My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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