He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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