Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
