So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
