im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
