my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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