tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
