I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
