hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
