Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
