Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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