The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
