something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
