How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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