booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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