I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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