i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
