you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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