they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
