He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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