There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
