i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
