Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos