Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.

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  (504): I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/2zjv
  Replies (37) Good night (8123) Bad night (1202)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  we need to stop having unprotected sex.

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.

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  (319): we need to stop having unprotected sex. (1-319): ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores. http://tfl.nu/85im
  Replies (31) Good night (1287) Bad night (4297)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

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  (316): i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight? http://tfl.nu/82sl
  Replies (73) Good night (9962) Bad night (2386)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I cannot believe I said bareback movement...

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  (925): I cannot believe I said bareback movement... http://tfl.nu/eax3
  Replies (6) Good night (1500) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street

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  (951): I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street http://tfl.nu/tl0c
  Replies (7) Good night (1074) Bad night (2285)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.

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  (812): Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI. http://tfl.nu/yhyp
  Replies (5) Good night (2033) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip

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  (410): You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip http://tfl.nu/bjin
  Replies (4) Good night (1929) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

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  (919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2
  Replies (12) Good night (6685) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him

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  (510): yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him http://tfl.nu/nlke
  Replies (2) Good night (1764) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome

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  (716): I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome http://tfl.nu/f4q6
  Replies (3) Good night (669) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me

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  (512): Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me http://tfl.nu/3y5j
  Replies (19) Good night (1352) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.

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  (330): The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it. http://tfl.nu/56k9
  Replies (11) Good night (969) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck

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  (708): He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck http://tfl.nu/28kh
  Replies (6) Good night (1416) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.

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  (617): she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon. http://tfl.nu/r3ld
  Replies (14) Good night (437) Bad night (1474)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants

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  (404): yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants http://tfl.nu/r49e
  Replies (3) Good night (530) Bad night (251)

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