Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE