This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?