The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday