This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dating After Heartbreak
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals