my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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