My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
