So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
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So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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