12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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