Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
