Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
