So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
