I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
