All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
