I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
