Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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