9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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