she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
