yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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