here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
