We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
did i walk over a car last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
