I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
