please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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