Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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