My room smells like vodka and shame
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
