Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
