Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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