Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
