Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
