I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
