I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
