u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
