I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
