Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My bed smells like the plague
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
