I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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