He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
