There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
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It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
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So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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