thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm like, not good at living.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
