I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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