dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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