What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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