so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
