I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
