I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
