sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
