she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just had sex on a roof
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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