I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They have beer where we have blood.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
