the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
