Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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