my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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