I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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