I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize