I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
